NOTE: I wrote and performed this monologue during 10th Grade in my Drama class. The character in this skit is Mickey Parke's younger
sister, Minnie. She has a crush on Q.T., and she's more ghetto than Mickey. The setting is in her New York City apartment.
Ghetto Chick (Minnie Parke): "Yo, wuddup?" Ah, no. Dat don't work, yo. A'ight.
"Whhaassupp?!?" Ahh, crap. Dat don't work eeda. Aw, heck!
(Turns to a stuffed dog.)
Whud da crap Ah's gonna do, yo? He won't come up in ma crib unless Ah's make
a good butt-press on him. Da-yang, whud da heck Ah's gonna say, yo? Dis whole ting's screwed, yo. Ah's wanna go out and raise
da roof wit his fly butt, yo! Dis is crunk, yo. He be so fly, Ah want dat, dawg. Ah's wanna hit dat, dawg. Da-yang, da-yang!
Whud da heck Ah's gonna do? Come on, dawg. Say sumpin, yo. Ah's needs some help, dawg. Gots at tink up sumpin cool, or da
fly brotha be tinkin Ah's be trippin. And Minnie Parke don't go out like dat. Minnie Parke don't go out like dat, foo! So
whut you tink, yo? Ah's be a wack sista? Ah's be a wack sista?!? Where's you get off sayin' dat, yo?!? YOU be wack.
Ansa at dat, Ruff! Dats right! Ya ain't got nothing ta say. Ain't got nothing ta say ta Minnie Parke cuz ya stupid, dawg!
(turns to a Britney Spears doll)
Whut you tink, Brit? Yea, Ah's know dat Q.T. ain't as fine as Justin Timbalake,
but you be wit Justy. Yea, Ah's know dat you tink dat Q.T. ain't as fine as Jerry, but dats O.K. Me and Q.T. gots so
much in common, dawg. Ah's gots stuff in common wit da othas, but, ya know ... Doug nice, and fat, like me, yo, but he be
34 and divorced... and Ah's talk wit my toys like Chad, but... And Ah cant go out wit Mickey, cuz he my da-yang brotha, yo...Oooh,
and Jerry, he a fly brotha, but he gots Erin... Oh, Q.T. is so fine and brotha just like me. He gots Bilary Thrombrosis,
yo. Yea, it's a liver disease. Ya know dat, foo'. So, Brit ...
(looks at dog)
Ruff Whut y'alls tink, yo? Whut I do? Call him? Ah's dont know da numba, yo!
Oh, a'ight. He live wit my brotha and da othas in they L.A. crib. Yo. Whut I say, dawg? A'ight.
(picks up phone, dials number)
Yo, Mick, is Q.T. dere? Who da heck do ya tink it is, dawg? Yo sista, yo!
Whut Ah's want? Just put Q.T. on da da-yang phone, yo! Jackass.
Yo, dis Q.T.? Yo, good. Dis Minnie Parke, dawg. Ah's gotta tell you sumpin'.
Ah's like you, yo. Ah's wanna raise da roof wit you, dawg. Ah's know you'ze gonna say no, cuz Ah's fat, but Ah's AM
fat, as in P.H.A.T.? You take me N-E-WAYZ? Yo, tanks, Q.T. Tanite, yo? Cool. Ah's fly out, now, yo! A'ight. Bye.
(Turns off phone, throws it down, turns to toys.)
Ah's done it, yo! Ah's got a date wit Q.T., yo! Yea! Who da bomb? Ah's da
bomb! Yea-a! And Ah's gonna make him explode! Yea-a-a! Whoo-ha!
Peace, Love, and Hair Grease-- LATA!