FANtasies Fanfiction

Going Under




She sat in the corner of her bedroom, her legs bunched up against her chest, the tears falling freely from her sad eyes.

It hurt to even think about him now, but here she was, thinking about him.

*Now I will tell you what I've done for you*

It hurt her very much that she couldn't be with him, but the things that she knew hurt her even more.

*Fifty thousand tears I've cried*

Her head ached with the overage of knowledge that filled her brain. Some of it was of good things, things she'd always wanted to know, but quite a bit of it was of things she'd never, ever wanted to know about him. Things that were too painful to even think about.



And bleeding for you*

She assumed that was her punishment for loving a pop star. She was being driven insane by the wealth of knowledge she'd just discovered. He was quite different than what he'd always projected himself to be.

*And you still won't hear me

(Going under)*

She tried so hard to be strong. To forget her feelings, to forget her heart.

*Don't want your hand this time

I'll save myself

Maybe I'll wake up for once

Not tormented

Daily defeated by you*

But then she'd see his eyes, and she was lost again. Lost in him, his essence.

*Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom

I'm dying again*

The pain was too much for her to hold inside. And the things that were bothering her weren't being helped by his taste in women. She wished he'd wake up and find someone deserving... Someone like her.

*I'm going under

Drowning in you

I'm falling forever

I've got to break through

I'm going under*

She only wished she could erase all the bad things she'd discovered, and just live in the world that existed before she knew. Sometimes she'd pretend, but she knew it wasn't real.


And stirring

The truth and the lies

So I don't know what's real and what's not*

A part of her beat herself up for that. She knew better than to live in a world of fantasy. It'd get her nowhere fast.

*Always confusing the thoughts in my head

So I can't trust myself anymore

I'm dying again*

She squeezed her eyes shut and banished away all her thoughts, longing to feel blank, but his face entered her mind.

*I'm going under

Drowning in you

I'm falling forever

I've got to break through*

She stood from her spot on the floor and darted across the room.

*So go on and scream

Scream at me

I'm so far away*

She ripped the poster of him from the wall and tore it into several pieces. Upon tossing them on the floor, she fell to her knees, in tears.

*I won't be broken again*

She suddenly saw his eyes in her mind, and fell face down onto the floor, the tears flooding the shredded remains of the poster.

*I've got to breathe

I can't keep going under*

Her fist hit the floor as she sobbed, then wailed.

*I'm dying again*

She wanted him out of her heart so desperately at times, but he refused to leave.

*I'm going under

Drowning in you*

He was so far deeply embedded in her heart, and she couldn't remove him, like a knife grinding into her chest.

*I'm falling forever*

And she couldn't rise above the feeling. She was trapped. She loved him for the good parts of him, but couldn't handle the bad.

*I've got to break through*

She laid on the floor, curled up in her pool of tears, and couldn't move.

*I'm going under

(Going under)*

She was paralyzed.

*Going under

(Drowning in you)*

He'd be the death of her. She was sure of it. The pain he inadvertently caused her would one day kill her.

*I'm going under...*

Going Under    written by Ben Moody, Amy Lee, and David Hodges
as performed by Evanescence

Special Disclaimer: This is a mystery story for a reason. All though one *NSYNC member's facial features were used on the graphic for it, does not mean that it is about that particular member, nor about any of them, in fact. It could be about anyone. I just set it up so that it could be about one of them. So please, no hate mail. Thank you.