FANtasies Fanfiction

Dear Goodbye



The young woman sighed as she slowly picked up the wrinkled, tattered piece of pale blue paper. Her hands shook as she picked up the cordless phone from the kitchen table.

She dialed only four of the eleven digits before turning off the phone.

She let out a long, painful sigh.

"I can't do it." she whispered, her voice deep, her eyes flooded with tears.

"You need to, Bianca." A masculine voice said softly. "It's been long enough. You miss her terribly. That's apparent. It's time."

"But I can't." Bianca sobbed. "We- we ended on such bad terms. We were supposed to be the best of friends. I poured out my heart to her, and she accused me of insanity."

"I know." The man reached for Bianca's hand. "You told me part of the story. It was all because you had fallen in love."

"Yeah." Bianca sobbed, her face growing pale. "Two years have passed, and I still can't get over what happened. I can't let go." She choked back a mass of tears. "I'm engaged, about to get married in a few months, and I... my best friend won't even be there." A tear slipped from her eye and dropped, falling to her necklace, a silver choker with a small round pendant. A man's face was on the front of the metal pendant.

*Staring out, depressed about

The words I have to bleed

So torn apart*

Bianca had been only sixteen when she'd met Katie over the internet. Katie had been forty-four, much older, much wiser than Bianca. Bianca had stumbled across some fanfiction Katie had written about JC Chasez, Bianca's favorite singer. Bianca was a big fan of romance novels, and it thrilled her to no end that someone actually wrote romantic tales about the most attractive man she'd ever laid eyes on. But young Bianca carried a secret.

Bianca was in love with JC. She'd never told a soul, and didn't plan to. She was afraid what people would say. She wasn't crazy. She'd just somehow managed to fall in love with the blue-eyed crooner. It wasn't just his looks she'd fallen for, either. It was his personality, too, and the beauty that she saw in his eyes when she looked at him, and the passion in his voice when she heard him sing.

As time passed, Bianca and Katie had grown close. They were best friends, and Bianca even saw Katie as an aunt.

Bianca's parents were suspicious of the older woman, however, and didn't allow Bianca to exchange pictures with her until she turned eighteen. Bianca was overjoyed that Katie didn't judge her for her appearance; she'd been a rather portly girl at that age.

Bianca's secret began to weigh her down after she graduated high school. She talked to Katie often, and longed to tell her the secret, but was too terrified to do so. Instead, she just dropped hints that she was in love with a man named Joshua.

*Shattered by impressions of

Confessions in defeat

My broken heart*

Bianca wiped her eyes. "I wanted to tell her everything. But I thought she wouldn't understand. People usually don't fall in love with celebrities. It's not normal. It was killing me inside. Her not knowing, and me trying to deal with the fact that my wishes may never come true." She shook her head. "I should have let go of my fear. It would have been so much better. And maybe it would have helped if I hadn't acted so silly most of the time."

"But that's a big part of you." The man said. "When you get close to someone, you come out of your shell and try to have fun."

"Yeah, but she saw it as a sign of immaturity." Bianca scoffed. "If she had only realized..."

*Crying, desperate, fighting

Questions, scared to let go*

"We used to be perfect." Bianca muttered. "We had the perfect friendship."

*We used to be so beautiful*

Over four months after Bianca had graduated, and Halloween was fast approaching, Bianca was finally getting used to life after high school, and felt so grown up when she'd purchased her first cellphone. It wasn't the best one she could've had, but it didn't matter to her at all. JC was working on a solo album after being out of *NSYNC for nearly two years, and things seemed to be looking up for Bianca. She was so happy, she couldn't control herself.

*But the days go by and

Things get better*

It was then that Bianca and Katie finally exchanged numbers, and began calling each other on a regular basis.

Bianca had been so nervous the first time she'd called, but Katie had been so casual about the whole thing, Bianca had became wonderfully comfortable with her. She felt like she'd known her her whole life.

But as the days turned into weeks, Bianca noticed a change in Katie. She became grouchy, irritable, angry all the time. Bianca began to just write it off as menopause, and possibly side effects of an illness that afflicted Katie. But it grew much worse when they began to get into arguments once, twice, three times per week.

*I'm weary from the war

I'm losing half my soul

But the days go by and...*

"I was emailing her and calling her a lot. I never imagined I'd get on her nerves that bad." Bianca sighed. "Sure, sometimes I acted goofy, but I was never mean to her." She sniffled. "By Christmas, she kept telling me I was an immature brat every time we got into a fight. I tried to convince myself that it was my fault that she was always so grouchy. I tried to make up for it. I even overcompensated for it."

"What'd you do?" The man asked.

"Sent her $15 worth of Christmas gifts." Bianca had a tiny smile. "Homemade a video of her favorite movies... bought her a funky little puppy... even got her a rather expensive stretch bracelet that she swore was too big."

*Past the point of reasons

I just want you to believe

That it's not your fault*

On Christmas Eve that year, as Bianca sat in the car, on the way to the post office to check her mail, she was feeling sorry for herself. Another year alone, without a boyfriend, all her friends busy.

She was immediately cheered up on that cold afternoon when she found a Christmas card from Katie in her mailbox. It was one of the cutest cards she'd ever seen, with a puppy popping up out of a box.

When she opened it, she was in tears.

"I'm sorry for my behavior lately. Life, in general, has just been getting to me, as well as being sick. I know that's a terrible excuse for being mean to you, but I promise things will be better soon. Love always, Aunt Katie".

It brought a smile to the young woman's face to receive the sweet sentiment, although she still felt lonely in her bed that night, wishing that JC had been there to hold her and keep her warm.

*Cry your eyes to sleep

It's like a thousand rainy nights

Oh, drowning lows*

"But it didn't get better. It only got worse." Bianca whispered. "Arguments... about stupid stuff. She started accusing me of playing games with her... thought I was hiding something. I was, of course..."

"Yeah, but it was your decision to hide it." The man said.

"Yeah, but if I was gonna hide it, I shouldn't have dropped so many clues." Bianca said. "As the time drew closer, I could feel my heart swelling up with so much love, and I wanted to tell her, tell her why I was so happy. But all I did was keep dropping hints."

*Photographs, the close up, what we had

Come undone

Where did it all go wrong?*

As the new year came along, the arguments worsened.

Things would seem to get better for a few days, and then they'd grow worse all at once.

*The days go by and

Things get better

You hardened like a stone

To face the world alone

But the days go by and

Things get better*

Every time she turned around, Bianca was apologizing for something she didn't feel guilty of, and she grew tired of it, and just a little angry. She had no idea why Katie was seeming to get offended by everything she said or did.

*Exhausted of apologies

In search of something comforting

But the days go by and

Things get better*

Sometimes, it seemed Katie's influence was good for Bianca. She'd become a better writer, and actually felt pretty good about herself more often. But other times, after a fight, Bianca would see herself do a complete 180. She'd feel secluded, upset, betrayed, lost; she'd sink into herself.

*Brought out the best and worst in me

You gave your all unselfishly

But the days go by and...*

The day JC's CD came out, Bianca was overwhelmingly happy, but that state of excitement left when Katie suddenly told her that one of her pets were sick. Katie was so scared that her dog would die, and Bianca was there, offering her best words of encouragement.

"You know I'm always here for you, right?" Bianca asked in an email. "If you need anything, you can always call me."

Katie had responded with a simple, "I know. Thank you. It means a lot to me."

It was sweet moments like that that Bianca would always remember.

*Oh, I could never replace

All the tenderest moments

They will always live right here

Inside me*

"We got into our final fight the Friday after the CD came out. She said I was immature, and when I decided to finally grow up and act like an adult to call her." Bianca's lip quivered. "She said she was sick and tired of me playing games with her." The man pulled her into a hug. "I was so hurt. I cried myself to sleep."

*My love will forever hold a place

For you

That's why I'm so confused

We used to be so beautiful

But the days go by and

Things get better*

Bianca's mind was spiraling out of control, trying to figure out what to do to regain Katie's acceptance. In one last-ditch effort, she emailed Katie, and asked if she wanted the truth, and if she was ready to handle what she had to say. Katie rudely reversed the question on her, but Bianca responded with a maturity that outshined any of her past moments.

"The man I love... his name is Joshua... Joshua Scott Chasez. I don't want you to think I'm crazy, but I'm in love with JC. I don't understand how it happened, but it did. Please understand."

Katie seemed to be polite with her response. "I knew Joshua was JC. I figured that out weeks ago. But you've lied to me for a long time now. I don't appreciate that. I say you move on. You don't have a chance with him."

Bianca easily said how she felt. "I'm sorry I lied to you. I was scared of what you'd say. I just wanted you to understand, and not condemn me. I know there's a 99.9% chance that I'll never be with him, but I still love him. I can't control that. But I will say this: the simple act of being in love with him is enough for me. He's a beautiful person, inside and out, and I can see that in every way. This was so hard for me to tell you. It was brave of me."

Katie's final remark hurt beyond belief. "You're not brave. You're delusional. That's insane. You have chosen being a lying, delusional brat over our friendship."

Katie's words completely devastated Bianca.

*I'm losing half my soul

To face the world alone

But days go by and

Things get better*

Bianca's 19th birthday came and went, and Katie didn't even bother to wish her a happy birthday. Before Katie's birthday arrived, she realized what she had to do.

With everything that was going on, Bianca wasn't sleeping well, wasn't eating right, and looked near-death. She knew she had to take a step toward the future.

She bought a card for Katie's birthday, and told her goodbye.

"I wish you the happiest of birthdays, and I want you to know that I'll always love and care for you, and always see you as my best friend, and my adopted aunt. You'll always have a special place in my heart. when you finally decide that I'm good enough for you, good enough to be your friend, please let me know. I'll still be here. For me, this truly is a 'Dear Goodbye'. Love always, Bianca".

*We're not the type to just give up

But I know that it's what's best for us

The days go by and

Things get better*

"I haven't heard from her since." Bianca's tears gushed into the man's jacket. "I know that she's alive, thank God. I still visit her website once a week, and we have a couple mutual friends."

"She's bound to know about us, right?" He asked, lifting her chin with his forefinger.

"Well, duh. I'm head writer for Superman and Wonder Woman, and you're a world-famous pop star." Her eyes grew wide. "We're news, JC."

JC pulled her close. "You need to call her. She means so much to you."

*We'll pass some crossing roads

Surviving on our own*

In just two years, Bianca had hit her desired weight, achieved her dreams, and had gotten engaged to the man she'd loved since sixteen. At not even twenty-one, she lived the life she'd always wanted. She'd been picked up by DC Comics a year and a half before, and had already turned the comics world upside down with her stories, including a well-thought out arc in which the original Wonder Woman died, and Lois Lane had somehow taken her place. She was in the process of helping to bring the Death of Superman saga to the big screen, with JC up for the role as the Man of Steel. And now, in a few short months, she and JC would be married. It made her wonder about Kate.

"Please call her, baby." JC softly pressed his lips to Bianca's. "If not for yourself, do it for me, sweetness." In one quick motion, he handed the phone to her.

She stared up at him with wide eyes. "I'm scared."

"It's okay, baby." He rubbed her shoulders gently. "She can't accuse you of being delusional anymore. You've beat the 99.9% chance. We're together, and I love you."

With trembling fingers, Bianca dialed the eleven-digit number.

"Just remember..." JC whispered. "It's been two years. A lot can happen in two years. We're both witnesses to that. She may have forgotten why she was even mad in the first place."


Bianca heard the still-familiar voice at the other end of the line, and grasped her fiancées hand.

"Katie... It's Bianca..." Tears welled up in her bright blue eyes as she spoke. "Katie, I miss you..."

JC smiled as tears met his own eyes and he patted her hand.

"Yeah. See? I told you I wasn't crazy." Bianca beamed through her tears. "We're engaged."

As she listened to Katie's reaction, JC pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. He was thrilled to finally see her happy. It was a miracle.

"Yeah, I know." Bianca sniffled. "I love you, Aunt Katie."

*But the days go by and...*





Dear Goodbye written by: JC Chasez, Robb Boldt, Gregg Arreguin, and David J. Carpenter
performed by : JC Chasez

**SPECIAL DISCLAIMER** (added 6/16/04)
This story seems to have gotten popular.. but in a bad way. People, just because a certain character is named a certain name, doesn't mean that it's SOMEONE YOU KNOW. Think about it. A name is just a name. It could be about anyone, and to me, it is. So deal.